and give you peace

Daleen sent this out to some of her friends last week and I asked if I could post it here. Enjoy.

I wanted to share a story with you: One that reminds me of the old woman who gave the two coins as offering. Remember how Jesus said she gave more than anybody because she gave everything she had.

A few days ago we took my dad out to Nando's (a local restaurant) for lunch. The lady who waits tables have been working there for ever, but it is not because I go there often that I remember her, it is the way she serves that left an impression on me. This day was no different than any other she was helpful and sincerely friendly. I gave her a very big tip and she was so grateful that it made me want to give her more. Actually it put me in a real giving mood. I even prayed and ask God to help me find ways to give this Christmas season in a way that might not necessarily change lives but that will give joy. I am having a lot of fun handing out the joy of Christmas in small ways.

But this story is not about me, I thought it was when I sat down this morning with my tea. I was thinking about giving and the joy it brings to those who give and those who receive, wishing I had lots of money to just go crazy and give all over the place. And this was when God reminded me of the lady at Nando's. She gives everyday and blesses lives with her giving, she blessed me and my family, but what did she give? The gift of money or things - no. She gave a greater gift. She gives the only thing she has. She gives herself. Her gift will last for ever, and I'm sure my tip was well spent, but long gone.

Is this not the meaning of Christmas? Jesus gave the greatest gift, He gave himself.

May you experience the joy of this season and all that it holds.

HeArt

December 2008

Dear family and friends,
Each year it is a privilege to follow God's call on our lives. To live out the deep desires of our hearts. To pour into young leaders and others who live near us. To live missionally as we engage the world around us.

Each year it is also a privilege to be poured into. To be challenged by those we work with and those we lead. To be mentored by those more mature. To be pursued by a loving God. To be led into deeper realms of the heart.

At the end of each NieuCommunities' year, both staff and apprentices create a heArt project, where we share what God has done in our hearts through art. Mosaics, sketches, photography, paintings, sculptures and interactive visual arts have all been used to help convey the shaping of our hearts. Daleen and I would love to share our heArts with you.

Bryan - Humility
There are three words that come to mind as I think of this year – darkness, brokenness and humility. My heart journey began in January as I read a small, powerful book in our sitting room. The book, From Brokenness to Community by Jean Varnier, was already striking a deep chord within me. On this particular morning, however, it stopped me in my tracks. It was a simple sentence about how living in tight community helps us to see the darkness of our hearts. How we have lived our whole lives in a spirit of competitiveness, rivalry, anger and jealousy.

After reading this sentence I was unable to read further. I kept trying, but I couldn't. It was as if God was shining a bright light, if ever so briefly, into my heart. He offered me a glimpse beyond the veil, to the areas of my heart that need deep healing. The darkness was overwhelming. I was appalled.

As the year moved on, the image of being prostrate before God kept coming to mind. I didn't feel like I was prostrate myself, although I did feel like I was moving that direction. It's as though I was happy to be kneeling before God, but lying prostrate seemed too uncomfortable, too broken. Who wants to be broken?

In the latter part of the apprenticeship we read another small, powerful book called The Tale of Three Kings by Gene Edwards. The book looks at the life of David and how he related to Saul, who was king over him, and Absalom, who was trying to take the throne from him. It is convicting, asks hard questions and offers no easy answers. The way in God's kingdom is brokenness and humility.

I know that God is breaking me. Not to destroy me, but to use me. I wish I had room to share how God is doing this, however, those stories are probably better left for a long conversation over a good cup of coffee. This journey towards humility won't be a short one, and it doesn't promise to be an easy one, but it is definitely a necessary one.

Daleen – Coming into my own
“Life is a foreign language: all men mispronounce it.”-C Morley

Sunset over the African bushveld, baby elephants, the sound of water falling, tea in a pretty teacup, Lavender and Calla lilies. Zoe in the morning when she is still warm from sleep, red nails and high heels, thunderstorms. Kyle's eyes when he is excited, old things with new life, baby toes. Bryan's hand on the small of my back when he guides my path. These are a few of my favorite things!

I am 37; I have always disliked my chin and my big arms, I hate feeling stupid and I have bad luck with card games. I am painfully “anal” when I host people and at other times I couldn't care less. I read the end of a book first to see if is worth spending time reading the whole thing. I purposefully leave laundry in the dryer because I hate folding it.

I have spent a lot of time over the past years fighting against myself. I have struggled with my identity, my looks, my parenting and my gifts. I have learned to accept some and I have changed others. It has been a long and sometimes painful journey, but at the end of this year when I had to create a heArt project, I found that I was good with ME.

I felt settled into who God has created me to be. I still dislike some things about myself, and need to grow so much in some areas of my life, but overall I have made peace with Daleen. I like who I am, where I am going and what God wants to do through my life. To tell you the truth it was not that easy to accept. We are so used to being discontent with everything that when we find peace we don't always know what to do with it. Enjoy it! revel in it! flaunt it- it is a great gift from God – and I love it.

My heArt project is about taking off the masks that are so heavy to carry around with us. It is about accepting my past and being intentional with my future. It is about calling my mistakes “experiences” and becoming better because of them. It is about living the adventure and enjoying the journey.

“Many a woman has a past, but I am told that she has at least a dozen , and that they all fit.” -Oscar Wilde

Your HeArt
As you reflect over this past year, we trust that you will see all that God has been doing in your heart. Take some time to think, journal, paint, draw or sculpt, then offer it and yourself back to Him as a gift of thanks. For Christmas is a time to celebrate the fact that He has pitched His tent among us.

Merry Christmas, Bryan, Daleen, Kyle and Zoe

simple

Two weeks ago we had the privilege of hosting Annemie Bosch, wife of the late author and missiologist, David J. Bosch, in our home. Spirituality of the Road and Transforming Mission are both very well known, although I have only read the first of these two books (however, I would highly recommend both). During the evening Annemie said, "We try to live simply so others can simply live." This is not a new thought to me, but I was struck by the power of this simple statement.

Since that conversation with Mrs. Bosch, I've thought a lot about what it means to live simply. It seems to be more of a process and a movement than a destination. Truly, when can one say that they are living simply enough? It is more of a mindset. A mindset that takes others into account. A mindset that evaluates daily decisions in light of their local and global effects. A mindset that grapples with being content.

Now I've got an old song stuck in my head. One whose lyrics seem to fit this topic so very well:

I dont mind stealing bread
From the mouths of decadence
But I can't feed on the powerless
When my cups already overfilled

-Hunger Strike by Temple of the Dog

Bryan

Caring for Creation

Over many years, and at various levels, I have considered God's creation and our relationship to it as Christ-followers. I've always loved being in nature whether it be in the mountains of Central California, the beaches of Southern California, the forests of Russia or the bushveld of South Africa. However, in my early days as a Christian, I began to think that God's creation was given to man to rule over, and, therefore, we could do with it as we please. I don't know if I would have said this directly or not, but I kind of felt like it was all going to H, E, double toothpicks in any case, so let's us it as it seems fit for man. Perhaps this came out of a fear of deifying nature, or perhaps it came from the way I used to view the end times and the future of the earth.

In more recent years, I've wondered why the Church is rarely on the frontlines in the battle to conserve God's creation. And not just to conserve nature, but to use its resources for the common good of all men. Unfortunately, I see much of the exploitation of God's creation predominately benefiting the rich of the world. This has been easier to see during my years in Russia and South Africa, but I know this is certainly the case in most, if not all, of our world.

So, how do we relate to God's creation as His children? NieuCommunities South Africa recently hosted a two-day workshop to discuss just that. Our guest speaker was the director of A Rocha South Africa, Alan Goddard. A Rocha (The Rock) is an international organization of Christians in conservation. The workshop was not only very helpful in working through a more holistic theology of creation, but it was also very motivating at a personal and practical level.

A big takeaway for me was the idea that care for God's creation truly begins at home when we decide to live differently in a way that is more in balance with God's creation. And we don't take care of God's creation just for ecology alone, but rather in order to care for humanity (ie. caring for the poor). This can happen as we begin to re-imagine “the good life.” Is it the American dream or is it the dream of our God as He created the earth and all that is in it?

John Stott wrote, “We human beings find our humanness no only in relation to the earth, which we are to transform, but in relation to God, whom we are to worship; not only in relation to the creation, but especially in relation to the Creator. God intends our work to be an expression of our worship, and our care of the creation to reflect our love for the Creator. Only then, whatever we do, in word or deed, shall we be able to do it to the glory of God (I Corinthians 10:31).”


May it be so.

For more information: http://www.climatestewards.net/why/index.php

Raising the Dead

Have you ever felt like God was asking you to pray for someone to be raised from the dead?
Yeah, neither have I. God has asked me to do some seemingly crazy things, but never that. If God did ask me, I would prefer to pray silently in the privacy of my head. So, why all the talk about raising people from the dead? Let me introduce you to Hope.

Hope is one of the guys, whom I have been discipling for the past three years. He is a person who always seems to have a smile on his face and is happy to see you...who makes you feel at ease and readily shares his heart...he is fun, loving and is consistently seeking God's heart concerning his life. That is Hope.

Okay, back to praying for the immediate resurrection of the dead. The story took place over the period of a couple of weeks, and began when one of Hope's neighbors was diagnosed with AIDS. Hearing of the situation, Hope began praying for the young man.

As Hope prayed, he felt like God was saying, “Nothing is impossible with Me.” A few days after Hope began praying, the young man died. Hope continued to pray. And the words “nothing is impossible with Me” kept coming to mind. Hope began to wonder. The young man who died was prepared for burial, and the family began making plans for the funeral. This whole process would take more than a week to finalize. All the while, Hope continued to pray.

In the days just prior to the funeral, Hope began to believe that God was calling him to pray for the young man to be raised from the dead. So, he prayed silently. As the funeral plans were made, it was Hope's church that was called upon to officiate the funeral. Tentatively, Hope asked the woman in charge if he could pray during the service. She agreed. At this point, I think Hope was desperately wanting God to release him from his growing conviction that he was to publicly pray for this young man.

Well, the funeral came and Hope began throwing out some “fleeces.” Prayers such as, “If the preacher talks about faith, then I'll know God is calling me to pray for this young man.” You know what I'm talking about, we've all been there. So, what does the preacher talk about? James 2 - “In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead.” That, for Hope, was the last straw.

Asking for permission to pray, he was invited forward. And, to everyone's surprise, he asked if they would open the casket. As he began praying, the woman in charge realized what he was praying for, and quickly had Hope escorted away.

Unfortunately, the story doesn't end there. News of what happened got back to Hope's pastor (it's important to say that his church is one of the biggest and most influential in Soshanguve). The pastor wanted to hear nothing of the whole story, but rather just what happened at the funeral. He was obviously upset. Hope asked for forgiveness, but rather than receiving forgiveness, he was told that he was “fired” from church. Yes, excommunicated. Mind you, Hope was not on staff, he was merely a member of the church. The reaction has both hurt and confused Hope.

I continue to meet with Hope on a weekly basis. We've had some good talks about the events, but he is still healing from the wounds of the experience. I've told Hope that I am proud of him – he was faithful in a way that I'm not sure I would have been, had I been in his shoes.
Was he right in doing what he did? I don't know. What I do know is that Hope was trying to be obedient, even if it didn't make sense to him. And that is commendable.

a little lemon, a lot of rose

All I knew about my recent spiritual retreat was when I was suppose to leave. Bryan spent hours typing up notes, ideas and guidelines for my time away. Some of it meditative, some encouraging, but all filled with love just for me. I had two days planned out by the two men who love me most, the lovers of my soul. God and Bryan.

From the moment I stopped at The Lemon Rose Farm, I knew the time was set for wooing my heart. The garden had many nooks and crannies full of beauty and creativity. It even had a waterfall calling to my soul. My room was, of course, even better. It had a fireplace, jacuzzi bath, china teacups, a private patio overlooking the garden, and flowers and chocolates from Bryan.

I spent my time sipping lots of tea, drinking in the beauty of God's creation as I listened to the melodies of nature. God spoke to my heart about His pure enjoyment of me. Not only me the mother, wife, etc., but the “me” I so often bury under the responsibilities of life.

These two days were a pursuit of my heart, a reminder that God made me beautifully and wonderfully for His purposes. That my true identity s that of a warrior princess. That the parts of me that I bury are a part I withhold, not only from God, but from those around me. A reminder that He meant me to be whole as I minister to my husband, my kids, and those He brings across my path. In these two days I felt God delight in me, and I delighted in Him.

Wild @ Heart

Do you ever feel like you're faking it? Like somewhere in your journey with God you began feeling the pressure to be a “good Christian” so you slowly began wearing a mask. Or perhaps you feared rejection and wanted to fit in. And, since the other people in your church seemed to have it together, you began to act like you did too.

We all struggle with this at some point in our lives. Actually, many struggle with this for much of their lives. The Bible talks a lot about this problem of wearing a religious mask, otherwise known as hypocrisy, and Jesus addresses it on numerous occasions in the Gospels (see Luke 11, 12). As a matter of fact, it seems to be the one thing that upset Jesus the most. In the pages of the Gospels we find Jesus constantly confronting the Pharisees in the most direct and...how can I say it? Let's just say that He doesn't mince words.

Hypocrisy and religiosity are prevalent in the Church in South Africa, as they are in most places. And in my experience they seem to be especially prevalent in the townships. For a long time the guys I meet with have sensed that something isn't right, but it's just the way things are done. Basically, it's just standard operating procedure, if you will.

So, that brings us to the Epic Quest retreat that we hosted near Soshanguve, a local township. The content of the retreat was based on the book Wild At Heart by John Eldredge, which has had a big impact on my life. Each time I've read it, I have been challenged to deeply engage my heart and live in the fullness of who God has created me to be.

During these Epic Quest retreats, men are taken on a journey of the heart that not only exposes the masks that we wear, but also the wounds our hearts have suffered. And, as we face the these challenging issues, we encounter the Father's great love for us. Our hearts drink in the fact that we are the beloved of God.

In the two retreats that I have participated in, I am greatly encouraged by the responses of the young men from Soshanguve. Their honesty and willingness to face the past is courageous, and their willingness to remove their masks is heartening. And, although a good amount of their woundedness comes from nonexistent fathers and the absence of male role models, it seems that many of their masks come from imitating those who lead them in their churches. A sobering thought.

So our weekend together marks the beginning of a long journey. A journey that my teammate, Doug, and I will continue to walk alongside these young men. A journey towards living life to the fullest in partnership with God. A journey towards freedom.

Community Psalm

This is a community psalm that we recently wrote as part of our Friday Night worship and prayer time that we call "Rhythm". This was written in response to a time of worship that centered around our identity in Christ.


Lord, how much of You is in each day?
More than I could ever be aware of.
Praising You, I come seeking Your face,
You are my Refuge,
Your love drifts around me like air,
And I eagerly drink it in.
Oh Lord, my God, my Love, my Joy,
My Peace, my Provider, my King;
Let my life be a living testimony of Your magnificent love for me!
For You alone have made me whole,
Your grace, Lord, is beyond anything I could imagine.

The Lord of Love my Shepherd is,
I am His and He is mine forever.
You are my still calm waters,
And the fierce water that crashes upon the shore,
You take this frail vessel
And make something beautiful in Your time.
Oh Lord, my God,
Thank you for Your love.
Understanding what you are doing in the struggles and victories of others,
Gives life to my soul,
May I seek this understanding more often.

I was born to serve You, Oh Lord,
May Your love be upon me forever and ever.
You are too near to me for me to see You,
Too close for me to understand.
I am compelled by the colour of your countries,
Your voice is deeper than all roses,
No one, not even the rain, has such small hands.

And when all is said and done,
When the sun dips low and the stars reveal themselves in the heavens,
You write Your special name on my heart,
And claim me as Your own.
I will not forget the wonderful things my God has done for me,
For this, I am forever grateful.
For I am accepted, secure and significant,
Thank you for the Lamb,
Worthy is the Lamb,
He makes me lie down in green pastures,
He touches me in my innermost being.

Not For Sale

This past week at Rhythm (our Friday night creative worship/prayer time), two of our apprentices showed a documentary about human trafficking, the sex industry and modern-day slavery. Most of the people affected by these horrendous injustices are women and children. It's hard to believe that such things still take place in our day and age. Although I was aware of many of these things, I was shocked by how widespread the problem is (including the U.S.).

This is one of the great blessings of community - we are able to learn from one another's passions. The heart of two of our apprentices has now informed the rest of our community. They have made us aware of issues that burden the heart of God. Actually, issues isn't the right word. These are people we are talking about, who are used and abused in the worst ways. And the "least of these" always seem to be on the heart of God.

This week in NieuCommunities South Africa we are talking about justice, spiritual warfare and our Contending God. God-of-the-Angel-Armies, as the Message puts it. We'll be using Isaiah 58 as a source of "alternative" spiritual disciplines in our spiritual practices time this week. The chapter is full of references to the kind of people, who are on the heart of God (see verses 6-9). How do we fight on behalf of the poor, oppressed, homeless, hungry, ill-clad (naked), etc.? Are any of these on your heart? If so, we'd love to hear your stories of mercy and how you are contending for those who suffer.

Related websites:
http://www.notforsalecampaign.org/ (Not For Sale)
http://tradeasone.com/ (Trade As One)

Happy 90th Birthday Nelson Mandela

Today we celebrate a man, who helped unify a nation that could have torn apart at the seams. In honor of Nelson Mandela I'd like to share some of his quotes:

If there are dreams about a beautiful South Africa, there are also roads that lead to their goal. Two of these roads could be named Goodness and Forgiveness.

There is no such thing as part freedom.

If you want to make peace with your enemy, you have to work with your enemy. Then he becomes your partner.

There can be no keener revelation of a society's soul than the way in which it treats its children.

There is no passion to be found playing small - in settling for a life that is less than the one you are capable of living.

If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his language, that goes to his heart.

It is better to lead from behind and to put others in front, especially when you celebrate victory when nice things occur. You take the front line when there is danger. Then people will appreciate your leadership.

A good head and a good heart are always a formidable combination.

In my country we go to prison first and then become president.

Selah

Love Your Neighbor

So, we pitched up at City Hall at 9:40 ready to march at 10:00 through the streets of Pretoria only to find that there were scarce few people gathered. Obviously, we were disappointed. However, once we located the organizers they assured us that busloads were on their way. The estimated numbers were 5,000, but in the end, I would guess that just over a thousand of us took to the streets. We basically walked for an hour from City Hall to the Parliment Buildings to deliver a document of "demands" to representatives of the President on behalf of foreigners, and more specifically, Zimbabweans.

A truck, equipped with a sound system and a number of chant leaders, led the way. I spent most of the time trying to stay in step with my "comrades" as we (well, mostly the Africans) chanted and sang, drawing the attention of those who lived in the apartments overlooking the streets of downtown. I also spent a lot of time thinking about this process and wondering why there were only 8 whites in this sea of people. The lack of white participation made me sad. Where were all the white people? How come I had never done something like this before? Is it fear? Does it just seem like a big waste of time? The questions linger. Sadly, the Africans seemed much more surprised by my presence, than by the lack of white participation.

Some have asked me why I would do something like this since I don't have a track record of demonstrating, protesting and marching. I guess the plight of Zimbabwe has been on my heart for a long time. What is happening there is simply inhumane. I wanted to stand in solidarity with those who are suffering - I thought it would help them to see there are people who love them and want the best for them. I also wanted to help bring their suffering to the attention of our fellow citizens, as well as those in power. I suppose I've been more and more convicted of staying in my "safe" zone and avoiding such events. The more I read the Gospels, the more I sense that it's places like this where I might have found Jesus...with those who are suffering.

All in all, the march on Sunday probably had the biggest impact on my heart than anything else. This has helped to propel me into action on what has become a very serious situation in our country - latest news is that 42 people have died and tens of thousands have been displaced from their homes due to violence. I am helping to collect food, blankets (it's winter here) and clothing for refugees, who live in and around our area. Also, NieuCommunities has made a room available to a husband and wife from Zimbabwe who are working in the area, and several of our apprentices are working with refugees in different parts of the city. If you would like to see a video of the march follow this link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v1nA9PmK_NU

Camping with Jesus

For my 43rd birthday I asked Daleen to plan a two-day personal, spiritual retreat for me. Although I have covenanted with our community to take such retreats for my health, as well as the health of our community, I still felt like I needed to justify the time. Why is it that? Does it feel too self-centered? Perhaps. Or somewhere in our soul do we feel unworthy of such a time? Perhaps.

Well, I figured I'd better just get over myself and take the retreat. However, I also knew that it would be easy to try and justify the retreat by doing lots of spiritual stuff - reading deep books, searching for that nugget of truth that would shape this year, blah, blah, blah. Therefore, I gave the reins to my wife and asked her to plan my time away.

Knowing my propensity to please others and justify my actions, Daleen set about planning the trip. First of all, she did a great job of reminding me of what the retreat was all about - basically, being with God in the same way that I would hang out with a good friend. No agenda. No pressure. This was a time for me to "be" together and enjoy the beautiful surroundings (it is His creation by the way). She encouraged me to not think too much, but rather to just be there with God. I thought about this and realized that when I'm with good friends I don't feel the pressure to talk about deep things. Or to talk at all. Sure those things happen, but I don't have to "make it happen."


The second thing Daleen did was to pick a place. A rustic cabin in a wooded ravine near a bubbling brook in the middle of a game reserve (where wild animals live). Do I need to say more? Is there a better place for a couple of guys to hang out, bond and deepen their love for one another? Maybe for you, but not for me.

Thirdly, she kept the agenda simple. Breathe deeply from the stomach and walk with God, enjoying His creation with Him. Doing that is like balm for my heart (as the Russian saying goes). Leave all books at home except the Bible and a novel. Basically, the two days were focused on one verse, "Be still and know that I am God." Or as the Message says, "Step out of the traffic. Take a long, loving look at me, your High God..." Day 1 - find some animals and as you enjoy them consider what it means to be still at the core of your being, then ask God to meet you there. Day 2 - find some animals to enjoy and consider what it means to know that He is God.

I won't ruin this by making some big deal out of all I learned because I didn't "learn" anything. I did, however, realize that it was easy to spend two days in silence with my Maker. I must confess that I was a little apprehensive about spending two days in silence. In reality, on those few occasions when I did need to speak (to avoid being completely rude to others), I found myself yearning for silence. I didn't want to see anyone or talk to anyone else, I was God's and God's alone.

By the second evening as I sat next to the campfire I realized just how peaceful my heart was. It wasn't some huge revelation, but rather a gentle awareness that my heart was in the place it was created to be - basically, enjoying His presence.

subMERGE

It's great to be reminded year after year that the learning postures (listening, submerging, inviting, contending, imagining and entrusting) are just as much for me as they are for our apprentices. "Apprentices of Jesus" was actually the theme of our recent NieuCommunities' worldwide staff conference that was held in South Africa (see photo).

We recently began our second learning posture of the year - Submerging. As we begin this posture I find myself asking the question, "What does it mean for me to surbmerge after living in South Africa for nearly 10 years?" In so many ways I have sunk roots in South Africa -we are surrounded by Daleen's extended family, our kids go to a local Afrikaans school, I own a house, we have some deep relationships, I know people in the local community, I am part of a staff team that has been together for years, etc. So, where is God calling me to submerge?

During our NieuCommunities' conference, God impressed on my heart to "go deeper with fewer." Thus began the process of examining my life and asking God who those "few" might be. Then I noticed that as I wrote my personal covenant for the year that I was tempted to ambitiously pursue more than Christ might be calling me to. I wanted to add more people and opportunities without necessarily listening for God's leading. Why? To prove that I am doing worthwhile ministry? Is "more" better? As my wife likes to say, "Sometimes less is more."

I also sense that he is calling me to go deeper with our staff team. I find that living in intentional community doesn't necessarily mean that we all have deep relationships. And while I know that I can't know everyone to the same depth, I also know that I need to pursue our staff team more deeply. They are the ones who are travelling with me long-term.

Submerging isn't just related to others. There are things of the heart that God is walking me through and asking me to engage at a deeper level. There are also parts of my personality, as well as skills and knowledge that I want to grow in, especially in the areas of spiritual formation, coaching/mentoring and creative worship experiences. And finally, I desire to identify more deeply with Jesus and love Him more fully.

Obviously all of this won't happen at once. This is what I want to work into the fabric of my life - my days, weeks and months. As I move forward I will continue to listen, be intentional, take time to examine my life and, perhaps most importantly, give myself some grace. I invite you into this journey with me - where is God calling you to submerge more deeply?

Release and Entrust

Luc and Petunia have been on staff with NieuCommunities South Africa for the past 3 years. This Friday evening we are entrusting and releasing Luc and Petunia into the fullness of their calling with InnerChange in the township of Soshanguve. The evening will be filled with the symbolism of our (NCSA) releasing and entrusting, as well as symbols of receiving and embracing by InnerChange and those who live in Soshanguve. It is a time of commissioning and communion. An evening of remembering and dreaming. A time to celebrate the realization of prayers, hopes and dreams. It is a time to examine once again the passion of our calling, both individually and corporately.

Won't you please join us in spirit as we celebrate all that God has done, is doing and will continue to do? You have played a role in the transformation of a life, a family, a ministry, a township, a country. May the following be true for us all:

As I go I will not refuse any destination for:
Wild blows the wind of the Spirit.
As I go I will embrace all that crosses my way, for:
Wild blows the wind of the Spirit.
As I go I will open my heart to the good in all creation, despite my reservations for:
Wild blows the wind of the Spirit.
As I go I will hold close to your Word and give all to you for:
Wild blows the wind of the Spirit.
As I go I will not be bound by my weaknesses nor limited by my strengths for:
Wild blows the wind of the Spirit.
As I go I will see each struggle as a place of learning, and welcome any companion who wishes to journey with me, for:
Wild blows the wind of the Spirit.
As I go I will not be tempted to predict or plan for outcomes, I will relish all of the surprises, for:
Wild blows the wind of the Spirit.
As I go I will take the greatest risks possible, for:
Wild blows the wind of the Spirit.
The Divine is not my destination on this journey, for the Christ travels with me, guides me, sustains me, lifts me. You, Lord, are the journey itself. Across the face of this planet…
Wild blows the wind of the Spirit.

In the wind of the Spirit, Bryan

Brokenness

I recently bought a book by accident. At least it seemed like an accident at the time. I was trying to buy the book Community and Growth by Jean Vanier, but accidently threw From Brokenness to Community into my outbasket on Amazon. I eventually noticed the mistake and decided to keep the book since it was inexpensive and sounded intriguing.

God actually had other plans for that little book and me. Have you ever had an epiphany? Or perhaps it's a better question to ask if you've ever seen yourself so clearly that you can't deny what you see? Well, that's what happened when I got to page 29 and read the following words, "Community is the place where are revealed all the darkness and anger, jealousies and rivalries hidden in our hearts." As I read those words, it was like the veil was lifted and I saw my heart of hearts. I was floored...shocked...even scared at what I saw hidden in the deep recesses of my heart.

In that moment I realized how much of life is spent hiding all those areas of our lives that we just don't want others to see. We know they are there, but we try to block them from our minds and move through life with a sense of dignity. I can pinpoint these areas that "need some looking into" in other peoples' lives with considerable ease, but for some reason I turn a blind eye to my own darkness, anger, jealousy and rivalry.

Since reading page 29? Some tearful apologies and asking for forgiveness. I've also seen that it is in my weakness (brokenness), that I offer the unique gift of healing and life to others on our team and in our community. Weakness actually draws others out, while pride tends to keep others at arm's length.

As we start a new year with a new group of apprentices I find myself tempted to once again impress and show others all that I am capable of. For some reason we always seem to think that our relationships with others will be better if they only see the best of who we are. It's a tragic temptation. However, as Vanier writes, "All my life I had been taught to climb the ladder, to seek promotion, to compete, to be the best, to win prizes. This is what society teaches us. In doing so, we lose community and communion." In the end, that seems to be a high price to pay just to look good in others' eyes.

are you happy?

I've lived outside of the United States for more than 16 years. That's 40% of my life. Most of this time has been spent in countries that were not as "prosperous" as the U.S. I've often wondered what makes life "good." I've noticed that earlier on I often equated "happiness" with "material blessing," but over the years I've witnessed a "happiness" (our perhaps a peacefulness) with people that had little in the way of material things.

Recently I saw an interesting article on Yahoo: "The World's Happiest Countries". There were two lists compiled by the University of Michigan. The first list was compiled by asking individuals "Taking all things together, would you say you are: 1. Very happy, 2. Rather happy, 3. Not very happy, or 4. Not at all happy?"

The top five countries? 1. Nigeria 2. Mexico 3. Venezuela 4. El Salvador 5. Puerto Rico. Hmm, not exactly the wealthiest places on earth.

Another list was based on people's responses to the question, "All things considered, how satisfied are you with your life as a whole these days?" Who were the top ten? 1. Puerto Rico 2. Mexico 3. Denmark 4. Colombia 5. Ireland 6. Iceland 7. N. Ireland 8. Switzerland 9. Netherlands 10. Canada. I scanned the list and found the U.S. at number 15 and South Africa at number 41.

Obviously, there was a lot more to the studies than these two questions, but this has made me think a lot about what makes me happy. I can talk a good talk when it comes to traditional "church" answers, but what truly sustains me and keeps me peaceful and enjoying life to the fullest? Again, throw away your preconceived ideas about what is "supposed" to make you happy (or joyful, if you must), and allow yourself to be completely honest before a God, who won't be shocked. I'm learning to allow him to meet me in the midst of this struggle and to lead me into deeper waters.

So, what makes you happy?