Neighboring

As a church community we have been studying The Art of Neighboring for the past month or two. During that time, we have had great conversations about how to impact our neighbors, how to build relationships that will lead to deeper intimacy with Christ and transform lives. But, in all of these conversations, we could never really imagine how powerful a simple “braai” (like an American barbecue, only with more meat) with our next-door neighbors could be.

Last summer, Bryan and I invited the 3 young men from next door to come over for a backyard braai. They had not lived in the neighborhood for very long and, as with most young men, they were often just passing in and out of their home. To get to know them better, we invited them to our home for a meal to spend a pleasant few hours in conversation. Basically, it was your typical introductory meeting with neighbors.

One of the young men, Andrew, brought along a young woman, Becky, whom he had just started to date. We learned that Andrew was studying to be a music pastor and that he was the one playing the organ at weird hours both day and night. He worked for Caribou Coffee, and he and his girlfriend Becky had actually met a few years before, went on a few dates, but decided they “weren't that into each other.” She moved away, he went on with school, time passed, and then one day she walked into the coffee shop where he worked. There was Andrew in green tights. Nobody is sure why he was wearing green tights (Halloween perhaps?), but she took another look at him and they reconnected. This time it was a different story and they began to date.

That evening at our home, we talked about how Bryan and I met, our relationship, and having teenagers. We talked about Jane Austen, my furniture, the Twins, and the weird hours that he played the organ. It all seemed rather normal, strangers who share a common fence getting to know each other. For the next year, we would watch them come and go, we would wave, have short conversations over the back fence, and we became Facebook friends. Bryan and I watched their relationship become more serious, we would ask the normal neighborly questions and so on. Then earlier this year, we received an invitation to their wedding, and Bryan and I assumed all the neighbors were invited. We debated whether or not we should go because we didn't really “know” them, we didn't want to intrude on an intimate family event, you only get so many beautiful Saturdays to enjoy in Minnesota, etc.

In the end, we decided that we'd actually enjoy going, so we did. We got up, put on our Sunday best, and drove the two hours to Wisconsin. Once there, we were surprised at how small and intimate the wedding was, and that we were the only neighbors there. It was a beautiful ceremony that was dedicated to God and their love for Him and each other. I was honored to be there, yet a bit confused as to why. We knew no one except for Andrew's roommate, Tim. But we mingled and ended up having a wonderful time, as their love and pure delight in each other was evident in every detail of the intimate and slightly crowded setting. During the reception, Andrew and Becky made it a point to struggle through the crowd and make their way over to the corner where Bryan and I sat. I was surprised that they would make the effort, but got up and hugged them in congratulations.

Andrew told me how pleased they were that we came, and how badly they wanted to share this day with us. Apparently, unbeknownst to us, our conversation the year before in our backyard had impacted them immensely and gave them the courage and hope to move their relationship forward, and eventually toward marriage.

We were a bit stunned. We couldn't for the life of us remember what we said that was so profound. I am still trying to remember what I said, apparently it was gold and I might want to say it again. But I am realizing that it was not even the words we used, but the moment that God chose to use. A seemingly normal chat with neighbors was transformed by a loving God into an encouragement for yearning hearts. We never know what someone needs to hear when we enter into a conversation with them, but God knows and is always eager to give us just the right words to say even when we can't imagine their impact. I am learning more and more, that if we live with Christ-like intent, no word will ever be wasted.

Angelie

At the central intersection of our neighborhood sits a local coffee shop/restaurant/bakery. Over the past decade, this coffee shop has changed ownership several times, and has had several different names, but it has always been the neighborhood coffee shop. Today it is known as Groundswell, and is owned by two families who are part of Third Way Church. Groundswell has become “the” local hang out in our immediate neighborhood. And, it was here, while having coffee with a friend, that I first met Angelie.

I can still picture the scene. My friend and I were talking about how Third Way could become more embedded in our neighborhood when Angelie, who was sitting at the other end of a long, communal table, leaned over and said, “I need to meet you guys because you are talking about some of my favorite things.” After introductions were made, it was fun to find out that Angelie lived on our street, just a block or two down the road.

Over the next several months, we slowly got to know Angelie better, meeting over coffee, hearing bits and pieces of her story, and sharing parts of our own. It didn't take long to realize that we shared a similar love for the Church, and a desire to see fresh, new expressions of church birthed and nurtured. Angelie also joined us for our backyard barbecue and conversations that summer, where a handful of people gathered for a monthly meal and conversation about launching new churches and communities of faith.

Like the coffee shop, Angelie has been part of the fabric of our neighborhood for many years (19 to be exact), and has seen many changes. Having worked as an engineer for many years, she is now a spiritual director, life-coach, and master gardner. She was also involved in the leadership of a church plant, and was considering a position with her denomination – a process that had been going on for more than a year.

As I got to know Angelie, I could see how CRM could be a great fit for her. However, it was important for me to honor the process Angelie was in with her denomination. The focus of our team is not to make more CRM staff, but to help leaders live into their calling and passion more fully, whatever that calling happens to be. Therefore, we kept laying the relational foundation that would support a kingdom partnership with Angelie.

Eventually, nearly a year after first meeting Angelie, I felt the nudge of the Spirit to invite her to explore the possibility of coming on staff with CRM. After several conversations, I invited her to the CRM world conference, an event that only happens every four years. I figured it would be a great opportunity to get to know CRM as a whole, and an important piece in making a decision regarding CRM staff. At the end of the conference, I spoke to Angelie and she told me that she had finally found her “tribe”.

Angelie with her new teammates.

Although we felt like Angelie would fit well on our team, her call to a Spanish-speaking context near the US-Mexico border led her to explore other options within CRM. She has since joined ReNew, a team based in Southern California, who walk alongside pastors, ministry leaders, and their spouses, to help them experience rest, renewal, and restoration in the midst of the ongoing demands of life and ministry. Being part of this team will allow her to live in community with other ReNew staff in a predominately Spanish-speaking neighborhood of San Diego.

As we walk alongside leaders in the Twin Cities, we love helping them embrace their giftedness, and gain clarity in their calling. In the grand scheme of things, we played a small part, but for her, the ReNew team, and those she will minister to, it has huge implications.

The Art of Neighboring

Sometimes you hear or read something that you just can't shake. Something that gets under your skin and becomes a part of you. Often times, it's something very simple, yet it has a profound impact on the way you think and live. The following story is one of those moments for a group of pastors, and, in their retelling of the story, it became one of those moments for me. 

In 2009, a group of pastors in the Denver area gathered to think, dream, and pray about how their churches might join forces to serve their community. They invited Bob Frie, the mayor of Arvada, CO, to join them, and asked him a simple question: How can we as churches best work together to serve our city?

The discussion that followed produced the typical list of social problems that many cities face: at-risk kids, areas with dilapidated housing, child hunger, drug and alcohol abuse, loneliness, and elderly shut-ins. The list went on and on.

Then the mayor said something that stopped these pastors in their tracks:

“The majority of the issues that our community is facing would be eliminated or drastically reduced if we could just figure out a way to become a community of great neighbors.”

The mayor's words that day were convicting, as the pastors considered his words in light of the words of Jesus to “love the Lord with all your heart, and all your soul, and all your mind,” and to “love your neighbor as yourself.” What if we did this with our literal neighbors, who live next door? As they wondered at the genius of Jesus, a joint-church movement was launched.

The (Lost) Art of Neighboring 

Partners in the art of neighboring.

Neighboring (or being a good neighbor) seems to be a dying art. I often hear people express a longing for deep meaningful relationships, and I hear Christians express a longing to share the Gospel and create kingdom realities in the communities where they live. However, in the midst of the busyness of life, it is easy to allow these longings for good things to remain just that... longings and not a reality.

Third Way Church recently asked me to help their three house churches to grow in sharing the Gospel with neighbors and co-workers. At the time, I was reading a book, The Art of Neighboring, and it felt like the right place to start. It seemed wise to work on building the kind of relationships with our neighbors/co-workers that would create the context to not only share our words, but our lives as well. 

In the book, two things really hit me. First of all, the authors ask people to think of the eight families that directly surround their house/apartment (see picture). They then ask: 

1) can you name each neighbor? (10% of people can name all eight) 

2) do you know anything about them, such as where they work? (3% can do this for all eight) 

3) do you know something of a personal nature, such as struggles, needs, dreams, desires, spiritual journey? (less than 1% can do this for all eight) 

Secondly, I was encouraged by the countless ways neighbors began to practically love and care for one another as they established deeper relationships. As people moved along the continuum from stranger to acquaintance to relationship, they began to invite one another into the more intimate and challenging areas of their lives. People began to taste of, and experience firsthand, the realities of God's kingdom and His love. 

The definition of incarnating is “to personify; to give human form to; to realize in action or fact.” There is nothing more beautiful than seeing the incarnation of the Gospel. We see it in Jesus, but we also see it when Christ-followers enter in, live out, and share the story of the great love of God in the person of Jesus. 

May it be so in our neighborhood as well as in yours.