Neighboring

As a church community we have been studying The Art of Neighboring for the past month or two. During that time, we have had great conversations about how to impact our neighbors, how to build relationships that will lead to deeper intimacy with Christ and transform lives. But, in all of these conversations, we could never really imagine how powerful a simple “braai” (like an American barbecue, only with more meat) with our next-door neighbors could be.

Last summer, Bryan and I invited the 3 young men from next door to come over for a backyard braai. They had not lived in the neighborhood for very long and, as with most young men, they were often just passing in and out of their home. To get to know them better, we invited them to our home for a meal to spend a pleasant few hours in conversation. Basically, it was your typical introductory meeting with neighbors.

One of the young men, Andrew, brought along a young woman, Becky, whom he had just started to date. We learned that Andrew was studying to be a music pastor and that he was the one playing the organ at weird hours both day and night. He worked for Caribou Coffee, and he and his girlfriend Becky had actually met a few years before, went on a few dates, but decided they “weren't that into each other.” She moved away, he went on with school, time passed, and then one day she walked into the coffee shop where he worked. There was Andrew in green tights. Nobody is sure why he was wearing green tights (Halloween perhaps?), but she took another look at him and they reconnected. This time it was a different story and they began to date.

That evening at our home, we talked about how Bryan and I met, our relationship, and having teenagers. We talked about Jane Austen, my furniture, the Twins, and the weird hours that he played the organ. It all seemed rather normal, strangers who share a common fence getting to know each other. For the next year, we would watch them come and go, we would wave, have short conversations over the back fence, and we became Facebook friends. Bryan and I watched their relationship become more serious, we would ask the normal neighborly questions and so on. Then earlier this year, we received an invitation to their wedding, and Bryan and I assumed all the neighbors were invited. We debated whether or not we should go because we didn't really “know” them, we didn't want to intrude on an intimate family event, you only get so many beautiful Saturdays to enjoy in Minnesota, etc.

In the end, we decided that we'd actually enjoy going, so we did. We got up, put on our Sunday best, and drove the two hours to Wisconsin. Once there, we were surprised at how small and intimate the wedding was, and that we were the only neighbors there. It was a beautiful ceremony that was dedicated to God and their love for Him and each other. I was honored to be there, yet a bit confused as to why. We knew no one except for Andrew's roommate, Tim. But we mingled and ended up having a wonderful time, as their love and pure delight in each other was evident in every detail of the intimate and slightly crowded setting. During the reception, Andrew and Becky made it a point to struggle through the crowd and make their way over to the corner where Bryan and I sat. I was surprised that they would make the effort, but got up and hugged them in congratulations.

Andrew told me how pleased they were that we came, and how badly they wanted to share this day with us. Apparently, unbeknownst to us, our conversation the year before in our backyard had impacted them immensely and gave them the courage and hope to move their relationship forward, and eventually toward marriage.

We were a bit stunned. We couldn't for the life of us remember what we said that was so profound. I am still trying to remember what I said, apparently it was gold and I might want to say it again. But I am realizing that it was not even the words we used, but the moment that God chose to use. A seemingly normal chat with neighbors was transformed by a loving God into an encouragement for yearning hearts. We never know what someone needs to hear when we enter into a conversation with them, but God knows and is always eager to give us just the right words to say even when we can't imagine their impact. I am learning more and more, that if we live with Christ-like intent, no word will ever be wasted.