The Art of Neighboring

Sometimes you hear or read something that you just can't shake. Something that gets under your skin and becomes a part of you. Often times, it's something very simple, yet it has a profound impact on the way you think and live. The following story is one of those moments for a group of pastors, and, in their retelling of the story, it became one of those moments for me. 

In 2009, a group of pastors in the Denver area gathered to think, dream, and pray about how their churches might join forces to serve their community. They invited Bob Frie, the mayor of Arvada, CO, to join them, and asked him a simple question: How can we as churches best work together to serve our city?

The discussion that followed produced the typical list of social problems that many cities face: at-risk kids, areas with dilapidated housing, child hunger, drug and alcohol abuse, loneliness, and elderly shut-ins. The list went on and on.

Then the mayor said something that stopped these pastors in their tracks:

“The majority of the issues that our community is facing would be eliminated or drastically reduced if we could just figure out a way to become a community of great neighbors.”

The mayor's words that day were convicting, as the pastors considered his words in light of the words of Jesus to “love the Lord with all your heart, and all your soul, and all your mind,” and to “love your neighbor as yourself.” What if we did this with our literal neighbors, who live next door? As they wondered at the genius of Jesus, a joint-church movement was launched.

The (Lost) Art of Neighboring 

Partners in the art of neighboring.

Neighboring (or being a good neighbor) seems to be a dying art. I often hear people express a longing for deep meaningful relationships, and I hear Christians express a longing to share the Gospel and create kingdom realities in the communities where they live. However, in the midst of the busyness of life, it is easy to allow these longings for good things to remain just that... longings and not a reality.

Third Way Church recently asked me to help their three house churches to grow in sharing the Gospel with neighbors and co-workers. At the time, I was reading a book, The Art of Neighboring, and it felt like the right place to start. It seemed wise to work on building the kind of relationships with our neighbors/co-workers that would create the context to not only share our words, but our lives as well. 

In the book, two things really hit me. First of all, the authors ask people to think of the eight families that directly surround their house/apartment (see picture). They then ask: 

1) can you name each neighbor? (10% of people can name all eight) 

2) do you know anything about them, such as where they work? (3% can do this for all eight) 

3) do you know something of a personal nature, such as struggles, needs, dreams, desires, spiritual journey? (less than 1% can do this for all eight) 

Secondly, I was encouraged by the countless ways neighbors began to practically love and care for one another as they established deeper relationships. As people moved along the continuum from stranger to acquaintance to relationship, they began to invite one another into the more intimate and challenging areas of their lives. People began to taste of, and experience firsthand, the realities of God's kingdom and His love. 

The definition of incarnating is “to personify; to give human form to; to realize in action or fact.” There is nothing more beautiful than seeing the incarnation of the Gospel. We see it in Jesus, but we also see it when Christ-followers enter in, live out, and share the story of the great love of God in the person of Jesus. 

May it be so in our neighborhood as well as in yours.