Active Waiting

This morning I was sitting on my couch, fixated on one of our trees in our yard. I realized that in the 7 years of living in our house, this particular tree has grown tremendously. Of course, it was a small tree when we moved in, so perhaps it is easier to notice the growth. And, although I know that the tree is constantly growing, I just don't think about it that much. I trust the truth of what I know - trees grow.

So, back to my couch.

There I sat, thinking about the future of my family and our transition to whatever is next. Somehow my mind made the connection that waiting on God is a lot like watching a tree grow. Sometimes it just doesn't seem like there's a whole lot going on. Day in and day out I don't necessarily gain clarity or have an "ah-ha" moment. Quite frankly, it is easy to wonder if anything is happening at all.

But I know the truth, and I trust the process. There is more going on here than I can think or imagine. God is doing things that I cannot see. Some of which is happening in my own heart, the heart of Daleen and my children's hearts.

So, I wait. I wait on Him even while I actively live in the moment with all that God has called me to today. I wait and draw close to His heart so that my heart will be ready to respond when He shows the way forward.

All The Buzz

Community has been a buzz word for quite some time now. Being a part of a community. Building community. Helping to start a new community.

I find that people love the idea of community. Being a part of something bigger than oneself. Being surrounded by like-minded people, who long for the same things. Pursuing a common purpose in the spirit of unity.

Like most people, I also dream of how the community I am a part of will lift me up. Edify me. Help me to be more like Jesus. And, secretly, fill some of that void that lies deep in my heart. Yeah, I can be a bit self-centered on occasion. The occasion usually being each brand new day.

Truth is, community is hard work. Okay, okay, I know you've probably heard that before, but it's so true. Today we begin our 7th year of NieuCommunities South Africa. And I am amazed that I am a bit apprehensive about moving toward community with 8 new people that I've never been in a community with. Is it because I'm secretly afraid of community? I don't think so.

I think the apprehension lies in the fact that true community calls me to be totally and completely reliant on Jesus. Not that I don't want to be totally reliant. Problem is that I've lived with myself for a few years and I know that I don't always do that. I enjoy this funny little thing called control, and in my attempt to control I lose the very thing I'm striving for.

I also know that true community calls me to serve. I like to serve others! That is, until they tick me off, get under my skin and eventually fall onto the inevitable list of "those who don't deserve to be served." Yes, dying to self and becoming servant of all is the call of the day if you want true community. In my attempt to get my way I squander the very thing I'm longing for.

Finally, I know that true community calls me to be vulnerable. To allow others to see (and experience) those dastardly parts of me that I don't even like to admit I have. It's hard to wear a mask in community. No, let me rephrase that. It's easy to wear a mask, but it's hard to find one that others can't see through. Again, in my attempt to protect myself, I miss the very thing I am hoping for.

So, why is it that I keep fighting for community year after year? The answer is simple. I have tasted it's fruit. The shaping of my life. The transformation of my character. A growing ability to love the seemingly unlovable. A blossoming desire to die to self. A thirsting after righteousness. A hunger for His kingdom. This is why I keep fighting for community.

Wild @ Heart

Do you ever feel like you're faking it? Like somewhere in your journey with God you began feeling the pressure to be a “good Christian” so you slowly began wearing a mask. Or perhaps you feared rejection and wanted to fit in. And, since the other people in your church seemed to have it together, you began to act like you did too.

We all struggle with this at some point in our lives. Actually, many struggle with this for much of their lives. The Bible talks a lot about this problem of wearing a religious mask, otherwise known as hypocrisy, and Jesus addresses it on numerous occasions in the Gospels (see Luke 11, 12). As a matter of fact, it seems to be the one thing that upset Jesus the most. In the pages of the Gospels we find Jesus constantly confronting the Pharisees in the most direct and...how can I say it? Let's just say that He doesn't mince words.

Hypocrisy and religiosity are prevalent in the Church in South Africa, as they are in most places. And in my experience they seem to be especially prevalent in the townships. For a long time the guys I meet with have sensed that something isn't right, but it's just the way things are done. Basically, it's just standard operating procedure, if you will.

So, that brings us to the Epic Quest retreat that we hosted near Soshanguve, a local township. The content of the retreat was based on the book Wild At Heart by John Eldredge, which has had a big impact on my life. Each time I've read it, I have been challenged to deeply engage my heart and live in the fullness of who God has created me to be.

During these Epic Quest retreats, men are taken on a journey of the heart that not only exposes the masks that we wear, but also the wounds our hearts have suffered. And, as we face the these challenging issues, we encounter the Father's great love for us. Our hearts drink in the fact that we are the beloved of God.

In the two retreats that I have participated in, I am greatly encouraged by the responses of the young men from Soshanguve. Their honesty and willingness to face the past is courageous, and their willingness to remove their masks is heartening. And, although a good amount of their woundedness comes from nonexistent fathers and the absence of male role models, it seems that many of their masks come from imitating those who lead them in their churches. A sobering thought.

So our weekend together marks the beginning of a long journey. A journey that my teammate, Doug, and I will continue to walk alongside these young men. A journey towards living life to the fullest in partnership with God. A journey towards freedom.