My Father

When we moved to Minnesota in January, we knew that my dad was dying and it was only a matter of time. We knew that there was a very good chance that we would never see him again. Taking my kids away from my parents at such a time was one of the hardest things I have ever done; however, Bryan and I deeply believed that it was God’s time for us to move. It was my “Abraham moment”, and I didn’t want an “Ishmael situation” on my hands. So we left.

Thus began a 5-month plea that God would give me a week with my dad before he passed, and a couple of weeks to care for my mom afterwards. With my brother also living in Minnesota, my father’s passing would mean that my mom would be alone to deal with my dad’s death. I could not imagine that for her.

My dad had been ill for a long time, and there was no way to tell when he would go. I felt like I was walking a tightrope that could snap at any time. There were no promises or guarantees, just blind faith that God’s goodness and faithfulness would extend to every detail of my torn heart. I prayed that God would tell me exactly when to go…

In the end of June, God started pressing in on my heart that it was time. We booked a ticket that allowed me to stay for 3 weeks. The morning after I arrived in South Africa, we brought my dad home from the hospital, and for the next 5 days I helped my mother take care of him. My dad was never really lucid and only said my name once, but I spent a lot of time praying for him and reading the Psalms to him.

On day 6, I was tired and emotionally worn out, so I went to do some shopping and banking for my mother. I was planning on taking my time drinking in the familiarity of home, but God, in His grace, had other plans.

I took one turn rather than another into the local mall and spotted a car out of the corner of my eye. It looked like the car of my friend who lives on the other side of town. And then I saw her daughter get out of the car. Of all the spaces in the parking lot, that was the only one where I would have noticed her. I pulled over, we hugged and cried. As we spoke, she shared about the day that her father passed away a few years ago. She told me how she went to help her mother, and one day while she left to run a 10-minute errand, her father passed away.

As I started my shopping, I kept thinking how crushed I would be if I came all this way to be with my dad and he died while I was at the store. I abandoned my shopping and rushed home. When I arrived home, my mother called for me and told me that it was time. I held my dad and told him how much we loved him, how much he meant to us and how much we would miss him, but that we wanted him to be whole again, to be restored and to be with God whom he loved with all his heart. And as I held him he slipped out of this world into the next.

In His amazing mercy, God heard the cry of my heart, guided me in his perfect timing, and even chose my friend, Sonja, to guide me back home. For many, such events may seem insignificant, but as I reflect over my time in South Africa and God’s care and faithfulness, I will never again doubt how much God cares about the desires of my heart.

With love, Daleen

third places

The Word became flesh and blood,

and moved into the neighborhood.

John 1:14 (The Message)

Jesus set the example. He came to be with us. He “pitched his tent” and lived among us, inviting us into his world. He ushered the kingdom into our global neighborhood.

place

People desire to know their place in this world. We want to have a place where we fit in. A place where we are known. A place where we can be the person God created us to be. A place in the work that God is doing in and around us.

Daleen and I are slowly, but surely finding our place here in Minnesota. When we landed in the Twin Cities, we were embraced by a community of people that make up Thirdway. We were welcomed by Daleen’s brother’s family and their friends. And we were included in the wider CRM community that lives in Minneapolis/St. Paul and throughout the U.S. We were blessed to step into a network of people that extends into our neighborhood and far beyond.

However, not everyone is so fortunate.

From what I see, many people struggle to find a place where they fit. They struggle to find a community that welcomes and embraces them. They struggle to find their place.

third places

According to Wikipedia, 'third place is a term used in the concept of community building to refer to social surroundings separate from the two usual social environments of home and the workplace. In his influential book The Great Good Place, Ray Oldenburg argues that third places are important for civil society, democracy, civic engagement, and establishing feelings of a sense of place.

Oldenburg calls one's "first place" the home and those that one lives with. The "second place" is the workplace — where people may actually spend most of their time. Third places, then, are "anchors" of community life and facilitate and foster broader, more creative interaction.'

groundswell

In the spirit of Jesus, the people of Thirdway Church decided it wasn’t enough to travel in and out of the Midway-Hamline area. They began moving into the neighborhood at a time when many were moving out. As they pitched their tents in the neighborhood, they became part of the fabric of local life. Eventually, they bought a neighborhood coffee shop with the hope of creating a third place for those in the neighborhood.

From what I’ve experienced, Groundswell is a great success. I cannot tell you how many relationships with my neighbors have been fostered at the coffee shop. Groundswell is also growing as a local hub by hosting art shows, music nights and poetry readings. There is a telling joke among transplants to Minnesota that goes something like this: Minnesotans are so nice that they will give you directions to anywhere, except their home. In a culture that may not readily invite into their homes, third places become even more crucial.

According to Wikipedia, “all societies already have informal meeting places; what is new in modern times is the intentionality of seeking them out as vital to current societal needs.” In light of this, we are growing in our ability to create third places where others are exposed and introduced to the love of Christ, the reality of God’s kingdom and His community.

Cold is a relative thing

I just got this list from a woman, who grew up in Minnesota, but now lives elsewhere. It actually gives some insight into the Minnesota psyche and their pride of survival in extreme conditions. Last year, they built an outdoor stadium for baseball in Minneapolis. My family got to enjoy their first professional baseball game ever on April 27th. It was around 35 degrees and snowing, and the stadium was 75% full when the game started. As I learn more about these hearty people of the North, the well-known description of Russians comes to mind - "a riddle wrapped in a mystery inside an enigma." Enjoy.

65 degrees Arizonans turn on the heat. People in Minnesota plant gardens.

60 degrees Californians shiver uncontrollably. People in Minnesota sunbathe.

50 degrees Italian & English cars won't start. People in Minnesota drive with the windows down.

40 degrees Georgians don coats, thermal underwear, gloves, wool hats. People in Minnesota throw on a flannel shirt.

35 degrees New York landlords finally turn up the heat. People in Minnesota have the last cookout before it gets cold.

20 degrees People in Miami all die. Minnesotans close their windows.

0 degrees Californians fly away to Mexico. People in Minnesota get out their winter coats.

10 below zero Hollywood disintegrates. The Girl Scouts in Minnesota are selling cookies door to door.

20 below zero Washington DC runs out of hot air. (Ya think? Nah.). People in Minnesota let their dogs sleep indoors.

30 below zero Santa Claus abandons the North Pole. Minnesotans get upset because they can't start the snowmobile.

40 below zero ALL atomic motion stops. People in Minnesota start saying..."Cold enough for ya?"

50 below zero Hell freezes over. Minnesota public schools will open 2 hours late.

transition

Bryan and I love adventure. We would rather experience new places than own new things. And for the last 13 years we have dragged our kids all over the world, and we have loved every moment of it. In our minds, we have enriched our childrens' lives beyond measure. And they have endured it, believing that they are richer for the things they have seen and the places they have been.

Today, I take my hat of to my children because this new adventure of moving to Minnesota has cost them everything that they held dear. And, although this move holds treasures yet to come, the cost has been great.

I have seen Kyle and Zoe give their possessions away because we could not bring them with. I have seen them say farewell to friendships that were as old as they are. I held them when they gave away their pets, their home, and everything they have ever known to be home. And, I had to drag them crying away from my parents, knowing that we might not ever see my dad again.

And they did all of this because we told them this is what God has for our family. They did this because they trust that Bryan and I know what we are doing. They did this because they had very little choice.

On the first of February we sent them to school, after just two weeks in America, which was spent living in my brother's basement. In South Africa, they went to an Afrikaans-speaking school where they went barefoot with kids they have known since preschool. Here they knew no one, and it was snowing outside. Since then, they have had to read, write and do math in English. They've done projects, took part in plays, rode the school bus in the freezing cold and faced school bullies.

As an adult, this transition has been very hard on me. There have been days when I didn't want to get out of bed, or to see people. There have been a couple of days where I have sulked and moped around the house in my PJ's just because I could. Unlike Kyle and Zoe, Bryan and I have the freedom to adjust to this new life in our own time. Kyle and Zoe leave the house at 8 a.m. and get back after 4 p.m., and then they have to start with homework. My kids have had little time for themselves or for sulking around. And when they do break down, I often have the expectation for them to keep their cool and get with it.

Kyle and Zoe are my heroes. I know, they lose it sometimes and have their fair share of struggles. However, in spite of having their entire world turned upside-down, they have fought to embrace their new life. They not only do what is expected of them, but they have thrown themselves fully into life as we now know it. I stand amazed at their ability to cope, their tolerance for change and their spirit that seems to flourish wherever we take them.

I thank God for Kyle and Zoe, who teach me every day what it means to walk by faith alone.

With all my heart, Daleen

Our New Hood

As you drive down University Avenue toward the Midway neighborhood, you will quickly realize that you are no longer in the suburbs. The first thing you will most likely notice is the hodge-podge of ethnic restaurants ranging from Mexican food to a Thai-French Bakery. It also seems as though each ethnic group has their own grocery store. And, unlike many of the “cuter” areas, there are no quaint brick buildings with their row of coffeehouses, restaurants and local pubs. No, University Avenue is an eclectic arrangement of buildings and businesses that seem to have no rhyme or reason.

Although the Midway neighborhood is not considered to be a “nice” area of town, we are realizing just how much we enjoy living along the University Avenue corridor. First of all, we love that it is very centrally located. We can find most of what we need in and around our neighborhood, and nothing seems to be more than a 20-minute drive away. Not bad considering we are in a metropolitan area with more than 2.5 million people. In 5 minutes we can be in downtown St. Paul, and in 10-15 minutes we can be in downtown Minneapolis.

We also love the diversity. One stop at the local Walmart and you will quickly realize just how many different ethnic groups are represented in our neighborhood. I was recently shopping at a nearby store and there were three ladies working together and each of them was from a different country of origin. Then, when I left the store, I read a bumper sticker that said, “As for me and my house, we will serve Allah.” That was a new one for me.

We also enjoy the fact that many of the local businesses are run by people, who live in our neighborhood. While I've been working on this newsletter here at Groundswell (Thirdway's coffeehouse), I've met two different local business owners. And, yesterday, Daleen and I had an interesting talk with the owner of a local bookstore about the new light rail system that will run along University Avenue.

We've heard a lot of mixed messages regarding the new light rail system that would connect downtown St. Paul with downtown Minneapolis. Some think it will bring in a lot of business to our neighborhood. Others are concerned that the process of building the light rail will actually be the ruin of local businesses as the road will be torn up and electricity could be turned off for up to four months at a time. Some people look forward to a rise in the price of their home, while others fear that middle- and low-income residents will no longer be able to afford to live in the area. Needless to say, there is a lot of concern for the future of our neighborhood and the people who live here. Whatever the outcome of the light rail system, we look forward to walking alongside our neighbors as they navigate the changes to come.

While some are pulling out of places like Midway, there are people, like Thirdway, who are moving into the neighborhood. And, we believe that such missional communities are strategically positioned to bring the realities of God's kingdom into these culturally diverse, transitioning neighborhoods. We are excited to collaborate with churches like Thirdway, who seek to be a blessing and contend for the people who live along the University corridor.

Grateful to be in the neighborhood, B, D, K and Z

Hotdish

For the past two years, Daleen and I have been praying about and considering the ever-gentle nudge of the Spirit to move to America. After 19 years of living outside the borders of America, there was much to consider. As we looked at various options, there were several things that drew me to Minnesota. I know, many of you will immediately think, "It must not have been the weather," but truth be known, I enjoy a good, brisk -10 degrees as much as the next guy.

Actually, the weather had very little to do with our move, but it does reflect a deeper truth. Extreme winter weather is new for us as a family, and it is that "newness" that was attractive. After living overseas for nearly 20 years, it can be difficult to re-enter ones native culture. It doesn't necessarily seem difficult, but that is precisely the problem. It is easy to assume that I know what America is like, and that I understand the values of my native culture. Daleen and the kids can also make the same mistake because they have been to America on numerous occasions and have been surrounded by Americans in NieuCommunities.

Our move to Minnesota has forced us to become learners. We really don't know our way around all that well. We don't know what there is to do for fun or where people hang out. We didn't come with our own furniture, car or the right clothes. And, we certainly don't pretend to know Minnesota culture. For instance, someone at church asked if I was going to bring a "hotdish" to the community meal. At first, I figured they were speaking about Daleen, but then I realized that I had no idea what they were talking about. I came to find out that a hot dish is a casserole, which usually includes cream of onion soup. And, according to Wikipedia, the history of the hotdish goes back to when budget-minded farm wives needed to feed their own families, as well as congregations in the basements of the first Minnesota churches. Who knew?

Small things like this serve as constant reminders to slow down, take notice, listen and observe. And, although there is much to learn as we submerge into the local culture, one thing that we can say with confidence is that the term "Minnesota Nice" is a good description of the people of Saint Paul. Friends and family (and friends of family) have given generously to help us settle into this new place that we call home.

Moving

January 2011

As you read this, we will most likely be experiencing our first week of living in America. The emotions we are experiencing range from extreme excitement to deep sadness, and just about everything in between. As I sit here writing this newsletter my stomach clenches in a knot at the thought of saying goodbye to Daleen's parents, yet I am filled with peace, knowing that we are being obedient to all that God has shown us over the past 2 years.

Africa

Africa has gotten under my skin and grabbed a portion of my heart that previously laid dormant. From my first two-week trip in 1994, Africa has seeped and finagled its way into the deepest parts of who I am. Rugby, cricket, netball and soccer. Embracing new cultures, discovering that different isn't necessarily right or wrong, learning to accept, and contending for people that I love. The African bush, the unbelievable wildlife, the red-orange dirt and the incredible sunsets. New rhythms of life, margin in my day, life-changing challenges and a quietening of my spirit.

Generosity Abounding

It's not always easy to give hilariously, but Daleen and I can both attest to the fact that we have been unable to out-give God. Over the past few months, we were constantly faced with opportunities to give to others as we purged our life of material things. Each time we responded in faith, which sometimes took some real soul-searching, God would somehow meet one of our needs in a way that we could have never foreseen. These “gifts” ranged from words of encouragement to free cars, and everything in between.

We also know that many of you have bathed this transition in prayer. To know that people are walking with us in a spirit of prayer has given us the confidence to face the challenges, and continue the journey toward our next assignment. We cannot thank you enough for your generosity of spirit.

Goodbye

There is nothing like packing up your house, and all your belongings, to put life in perspective. You will quickly realize that who you are is not contained in what you have. As we surveyed our “things,” we realized that the important things that we wanted to take with us were the things of the heart. Photos, artwork, special gifts, etc. were the things that won out in the end, and the rest was either sold or given away. Those of you who have done it will know that there is something freeing, almost cleansing, about this process.

However, the most difficult thing about leaving is saying goodbye to the people we love. In light of this, we would like to ask if you would join us in praying for Daleen's parents. Our move to America means that both of their children and all their grandchildren will be living in the U.S. They are also in the process of relocating from a 250-acre piece of land in a nature reserve to a small house in a retirement village. Daleen's father continues to have dialysis three times a week and is also battling blood cancer. We pray that God would comfort, heal and renew them in a special way in the days and months to come.

Landing

As we land in Minnesota, our family begins a new chapter of life, and a new season of ministry. We will need to settle into a home, establish our team, and submerge into the rhythms of the Midway neighborhood of St. Paul, MN. Our whole family is excited to begin exploring this new place that we will call home.

We arrive on American soil with no furniture, no appliances, and very few winter clothes. If you would like to partner with us as we get settled, then please click here. Thank you for journeying with us as we explore the unforced rhythms of grace.